So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
