you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
