Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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