then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
