I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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