Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
