12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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