why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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