Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
