I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
