And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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