You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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