i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
