This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
