i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize