I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
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You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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