the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
