you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
