I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
