dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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