Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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