he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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