Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
