ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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