why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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