You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
