my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize