May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
