About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
