and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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