This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
