also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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