She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish i was in the wii world.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
