I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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