She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
