you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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