How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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