I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
