Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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