So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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