I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
