Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
