just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
