Intervention is following me on twitter.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Everclear isn't food dammit