I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?