I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.