Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
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I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
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It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.