hotel room ftw
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
