Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
