We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
