That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize