I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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