So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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