Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
