She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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