i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This house was built for laser tag.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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