3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
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It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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