rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
