He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
