It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
