So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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