just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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